I had never made this soup before. I think I made it in a dream the other night? Does that count? Anyhow, I had a craving. I decided to just wing it and see what happened. According to multiple reviews what happened was FANTASTIC! It is a rich, creamy, decadent, deliciousness that your whole family no matter how conventional or UN will love. 
Prep: 30 Minutes            Cook Time: 2 hours          Total Time: Approximately 2.5-3 hours

Difficulty: Novice            

Makes a whole crap load of chowder.  I use my giant soup pot.. It probably holds 2 gallons of soup. 

  • 4 Large potatoes cubed
  • 4 small to medium thawed chicken breasts
  • 3 Stalks of celery chopped
  • 1 large white or yellow onion chopped
  • 1 large Jalapeno diced
  • 4 cloves of garlic minced
  • 1 Can of whole kernel corn
  • 1 cup of Velveeta cheese
  • 1/2 cup of half and half
  • 4 chicken bullion cubes 
  • 2 tbsp of butter
  • Salt
  • Pepper
  • Bacon bits for topping
  • 3/4 cup of shredded cheddar cheese

1.   The first thing you do is make b0t's cheater chicken stock.  I make this when I don't have an entire leftover chicken laying around. Fill your soup pot 1/2 way with water.  Add the bullion and bring to a boil. Add the chicken breasts untrimmed and whole into the boiling water. Reduce the heat to medium and wait until the chicken is fully cooked. When the chicken is cooked, set it aside with a slotted spoon. 

2.   At the same time that the chicken is cooking you will melt the 2 tbsp of butter in a separate pot. Add the onion, celery, jalapeno and some salt and pepper. I added about a tsp of pepper and 6 shakes of salt. (very precise... I know.)  Simmer at medium heat and cover the pot to keep the moisture inside. Cook until the onions are slightly translucent. Add the garlic during the last minute of cooking. 

3.    Add the cubed potatoes and the cooked celery, onion, jalapeno, and garlic to the chicken broth pot. Bring heat to a simmer, cover, and cook it for 45 minutes until the potatoes start falling apart. 

4.   While you are waiting for the potatoes to disintegrate, use two forks to shred the chicken into bite sized pieces. 

5.    Once the potatoes are falling apart nicely add the chicken back to the pot. Drain the can of corn and add it as well. If you like a little kick to your soup add another diced jalapeno. Bring it to a simmer and cook everything for another 45 minutes or so. 

6.    By now the potatoes should be in tiny chunks. The broth of the soup should be nicely thickened.  Make sure you taste it! it should taste smooth, and have a bit of a kick. Add the half and half slowly and turn the soup to medium. I added another cup and a half of milk whisked with 2 tbsp of corn starch to give it a thicker consistency. Turn up the heat but BE CAREFUL NOT TO BOIL IT. 

7.    Once the soup is the consistency of runny gravy reduce the heat to low and add the Velveeta in small 1" squares. Stir occasionally until they are all melted. Add the shredded cheddar and stir occasionally as well until it is all melted. 

8.    Now it's ready to serve!!!!! Top it with some green onions (optional), a bit more cheddar, and some bacon bits. I made some Parmesan biscuits on the side.  ENJOY!!!!!
          If you're a minor, and you try this shit like I did when I WAS a small child... look out. You will be "hey mister"-ing every creepy dude that leaves the liquor store. You will tell him, " It's not to drink! I SWEAR! I just beer want to make delectable soup!"

 Yeah... ok kid.

         This one can be a little tough, there's a few things that can go wrong. I will try to be as descriptive and helpful as possible. If you complete this quest correctly you will end up with something really spectacular. It will make you 010001101010. (binary jokes.) The cool thing about this soup is it's cheap to make and most of the time (if you're like me) you'll have all of the ingredients just chilling in your fridge at any given moment. 


Prep: 15 minutes            Cook Time:  2 Hours            Total Time: Under 3 Hours   

Difficulty: Apprentice      Calories: One million, but winter is coming kids. BULK UP.

Makes about 6 servings of soup. 

  • BEER! 3 bottles (one to drink, two to cook) I love summit EPA in mine. However I suggest starting with something like Rolling Rock if you're not a fan of intense beer. An ale is the best thing to use. 
  • Jalapenos (1 or 2 to taste) these are optional I GUESS, if you're a pansy. 
  • A medium sized chopped yellow or white onion
  • 4 cups of chicken broth
  • 2 cups of water
  • 3 tablespoons of Corn Starch
  • 1 tablespoon of paprika
  • 1 teaspoon of salt
  • 3 cloves of minced garlic
  • 1 teaspoon of ground mustard
  • 1/2 teaspoon of ground cayenne pepper 
  • half and half
  • Shredded sharp cheddar cheese
  • Velveeta or Clancy's cheese melt 
  • A bag of microwave popcorn 
  • Green Onions
  • 3 tablespoons of butter
  • Dash of hot sauce
  • A Dash of Worcestershire sauce
1.  Make sure you are using room temp beer to cook with. So take it out of the fridge now and by the time you need to add it; it should be displeasing to drink and pleasing to cook with. Feel free to drink beer while you cook. THIS IS AMERICA!

2.  Combine the onion with the paprika, salt, ground mustard and butter in a large soup pot. Cook at medium heat. Wait for the onions to become slightly translucent. While you're waiting dice a jalapeno. I always taste mine to see how spicy they are. Leave the seeds if you are a champion. mince the garlic as well. 

3.  Add 1/2 tablespoon of corn starch to the onions and stir them until the cornstarch is covering them. SLOWLY mix in the chicken broth. If you do this too quickly you will end up with clumps of cornstarch in your soup. BLeCH.  Add a cup of water. Bring it to a low boil. 

4.  Throw the diced Jalapeno in the pot along with the minced garlic. Turn the heat down and let this simmer for about ten minutes. Take your half and half out of the fridge. 

5.  TIME TO ADD BEER! Don't get too excited about this step and dump it in the pot. You will cause a foamy boil over. Pour the room temp beer in slowly and stir while you're pouring. Bring back to a steady simmer and stir often. If you do not stir often it will look like a seven year old made a volcano for a science fair on your stove top. As soon as the foam stops forming turn down the heat a bit and simmer the soup for a half hour. If you taste it at this point in the process, it will taste like beer. Wait until the alcohol cooks off. 

6.  By now the jalapenos will be darker in color. Taste the soup. It should be a bit spicy, salty, tart and developing into a rich yellow color. This is when I usually add another diced jalapeno if needed. Add another half of a beer (if it's not tasting too bitter). Add a few shakes of hot sauce and a shake of Worcestershire sauce. Cook for another 20 minutes. 

7.  Pop that popcorn! Set the bag aside. 

8.  Time to add half and half! Make sure it is no longer cold.  Reduce the heat of the soup all the way to low. You don't want any simmering at all.  Whisk 1/4 cup of half and half together with the remaining 2 tablespoons of corn starch. Set aside. Slowly mix in about a cup of half and half into the soup. Turn up heat to between low and medium and cook for another 15 minutes. 

9.  Re-whisk half and half/corn starch mix and slowly stir it into the pot. Soup will now thicken! When it's around the consistency of thin gravy move onto the next step. 
10.  Turn heat to low. Chop up about 1/2 cup of Velveeta type product (I use Clancy's cheese melt from Aldi) into small 1" cubes. Add them to the pot and slowly sir it together. Add 1 cup of shredded cheddar after cheese cubes are all melted. 

11.  After all the cheese is melted, you are ready to EAT! Garnish with green onions, popcorn, and minced Jalapenos! 
First Post! WAHOO! 
Fall is finally here guys. I know what that means: SOUP SEASON IS UPON US! I decided for my first blog post I would share one of my favorite soup recipes. 
 I first tried this soup at my Mexican Step-Grandma's house  It was a succulent, spicy, satisfying, belly warming masterpiece. It had so many flavor notes I couldn't begin to identify half of the ingredients. She gave me a rundown of the ingredients and method and I expanded upon that to create my own v.2.0. It is dreamy, creamy and kick-ass. When you're making soups give yourself plenty of time. Treat it like a delicious rush hour commute. Soups cannot be rushed. Generally the longer you cook a soup the more extraordinary it will be.  YOU MUST taste as you go. If you do it correctly people will go CRAZY for this shit.  Let's get started!
Prep: 60 minutes            Cook Time:  2.5 Hours            Total Time: 3.5 Hours   

Difficulty: Adept   

Makes about 10 servings of soup. 

  • (approx )8 cups chicken stock
  • 2 cups torn leftover roasted chicken (if you dont have leftover chicken, use 4 boiled chicken breasts, then use stock with bullion to cook soup.)
  • 3 large ripened Avocados pitted and chopped
  • 4 vine ripened tomatoes chopped
  • 1 large red onion chopped
  • 6 cloves of garlic minced
  • Serrano peppers chopped
  • Jalapeno pepper minced
  • 1 smaller poblano pepper chopped
  • Fresh cilantro
  • 2 Limes
  • Bottle of red hot sauce (I prefer Tapatio)
  • Can of Corn
  • Can of black beans
  • 22 oz. Half and Half
  • 2 tablespoons of cornstarch
  • 1 cup of sharp cheddar cheese
  • 1/4 cup chunk of velveeta
  • 1 Bag of Yellow Corn tortilla chips
  • 1 tablespoons of cumin
  • 1 table spoon of paprika
  • 1 teaspoon of chili powder
1.  Chop up 2 tomatoes, 3/4 of the red onion, the poblano pepper, Serrano peppers, and 1 avocadoo. Throw all of it in a large soup pot with the chicken stock along with the cumin, 3 cloves of minced garlic and paprika. Bring it to a boil then reduce the heat and simmer until the tomatoes start to fall apart and the onions appear slightly translucent. While waiting, move onto step 2.

2. PICO DE GALLO TOPPING TIME! Combine 1 chopped tomato, the rest of the red onion, 1/2 of a chopped avocado, a couple tablespoons of chopped cilantro and 1/2 of a jalapeno in a medium sized tupperwear. Add 1/2 of a lime's juice. Refrigerate for remainder of soup cook time. 

3. When step 1 is done, drain both the beans and corn and add them both to the soup pot.  Taste the soup so far and make sure its tasting rich. Add another tablespoon of cumin if you can't quite taste it.

4. Chop a lime in half and throw it in the soup pot. It will float. Add 5-6 shakes of your favorite hot sauce.  Check on the soup periodically and stir until the rind of the lime turns not-so-green. Remove the rind. Take your cheese and half and half out of the fridge. You do not want to mix cold dairy products in with a hot soup. It will curdle and ruin the texture. Don't f*ck up what you have worked so hard to accomplish! Take the other half of lime out. 
5. Add other half of lime, the cooked chicken and simmer for 45 more minutes. 

6. By now everything should be looking and tasting pretty awesome. Reduce the heat on your soup to low. 

7. Grab a bowl and whisk together a cup of half and half and 2 tablespoons of cornstarch. Set aside. This will act as a thickening agent a little later on. 

8. Wait until the soup is no longer simmering or bubbling at all. Stir in a cup of half and half slowly. Add a few more shakes of hot sauce to taste and the teaspoon of chili powder.  Let this sit on low until it begins to bubble a bit. This will probably take around 25 minutes. 

9. Remember step 7? Time to add the thickener-ner-ner. Stir it in slowly. This is where I usually add some lime zest and a little bit of chopped cilantro. This is optional but I feel it adds a unique bright flavor. Turn up a little above low and stir occasionally until the soup thickens. You may have to add a little more half and half cornstarch in order for this to happen.  
10. Once the soup is thickened, cube the Velveeta cheese and add it. Wait until its melted then a little bit at a time add the shredded cheddar. 

11. When everything is melted, serve it! Top with the previously made pico, some crushed tortilla chips, a bit of cheddar, sour cream (optional), a lime wedge, and a sprig of cilantro!